Crack Burgers That’ll Have You Coming Back for Seconds

Ever had a burger so good you think about it days later?

Crack Burgers — gosh, the name alone is a bit much, but honestly, it just kinda stuck after my cousin Luke declared, “these are dangerous” at our last Sunday cookout. Could be the heaps of flavor, could be the way my kitchen smells ages after, but whoever first combined melty cheese, ranch, and (let’s be real) more bacon than you’d ever think necessary? Genius. I first whipped these up out of frustration when my regular burger fixings ran low. And would you believe, the accidental recipe ended up being the only burger my picky niece will eat? Go figure.

Anyway, pull up a chair. This is a messy, happy burger for when you’re hungry and not in the mood for pretentious food rules. Oh, and don’t answer your phone while mixing raw beef — voice of experience here…

Why I Keep Making This (And You Probably Will Too)

I make this when it’s been a week. Not a week, you know, but one of those weeks. My family goes bananas for crack burgers because they’re basically the rich cousin of ordinary cheeseburgers. They don’t care if it’s perfect — heck, I’m sure half the flavor comes from small kitchen disasters I’ve learned to embrace (not everyone agrees, but my sister swears that half-burnt bacon is an essential ingredient; I disagree but she’s stubborn).

Oh, and if you secretly like the crunch of pickle chips under loads of gooey cheese, you’re my kind of people.

What Goes In: Ingredients Run-Down

• 1 pound (about 500g) ground beef — I’ve used ground turkey when I’m feeling virtuous; works, but beef wins
• 1 packet ranch seasoning — My gran used Hidden Valley like gospel, but I’ve honestly had luck with store brand too
• 1 1/2 cups shredded sharp cheddar cheese (pre-grated is fine but fresh-off-the-block is just… better)
• 6-8 strips bacon, cooked and crumbled (cheating with pre-cooked bacon bits sometimes happens when I’m rushing)
• 1 tablespoon Worcestershire sauce (or, if you ran out, a generous glug of soy sauce — yes, I’ve done this!)
• 1/2 teaspoon black pepper (I like a big pinch, but, you be you)
• Burger buns — brioche is fancy, seed buns are just as good; once I served these on plain old sandwich bread and adults complained more than the kids
• Butter or garlic butter for toasting the buns, if you remember
• Pickle slices, lettuce, tomato, or whatever toppings make you happy. My friend uses crunchy fried onions. Go wild.

Optional: Dash of hot sauce (I don’t, but my neighbor does. To each their own.)

How I Actually Make Crack Burgers

1. Get the bacon going. I usually lay it on a baking sheet with parchment, shove it in a cold oven, then turn it to 400°F (200°C). Check it at 18-20 mins. (I burn it about one in three times. Still tastes good.) Set aside to cool, then crumble. Try not to eat half before you need it.
2. Mix the patty stuff. In a big bowl, stick in the beef, cheese, ranch seasoning, pepper, Worcestershire, and about 2/3 of the bacon bits. Hands work best here — yeah, it’s cold, but it mixes better. And anyway, this is usually when I sneak a taste of bacon and grumble about how few bits are left for the burgers.
3. Form your patties. Get four big or six smaller patties from the mix. Don’t press too hard, or they turn dense. (If they look odd, it’s fine, they puff up as they cook.)
4. Grill or pan-fry. If I’m outside, grill goes on medium-high. There’s something about burgers grilled outside — maybe it’s just dodging midges — but inside in a frying pan works just as well. 4-5 minutes per side should do, or ‘til the cheese starts escaping at the edges and you’ve got a lovely crust. (If you’re using turkey, give it another minute per side.)
5. Toast the buns. I sometimes just toss them cut side down in the burger pan at the end. Or forget entirely — and then I apologize profusely.
6. Build your masterpiece. Buns, burger, extra bacon, and all your favorite trimmings. Maybe a gentle squish so the juices mingle. Grab extra napkins.

Stray Notes & Tiny Triumphs

• If the mix feels too loose, a tablespoon of breadcrumbs works wonders (learned that after a near burger collapse onto my socks)
• Don’t grill too hot — the cheese oozes everywhere and you end up with more on the grill than in the burger
• Mixing in a pinch of smoked paprika? Game-changer. Love it.
• I used to add eggs, but honestly, it made them gummy. Skipped it and never looked back.

Things I’ve Tried (Not All Winners)

• I once used blue cheese instead of cheddar, thinking it’d be posh — it was… divisive (I say give it a whirl if you’re feeling adventurous, but have backup cheese ready)
• Tried stuffing the cheese in the middle like a Juicy Lucy thing. Sounds clever; made a mess. Tastes fine but needs a lot more patience than I have.
• Turkey as substitute for beef? Yep. Needed extra seasoning but, yeah, it works when you’re out of beef (just don’t mention it to teenagers — they always know)
• Skipping the bacon — well, why would you want to?

No Grill? No Problem

I swear by my cast iron skillet these days, though I used to think you had to use a grill for proper burgers. Turns out, a heavy pan on the hob does the trick. If you don’t have cast iron, any large frying pan gets you there. (In a pinch, I tried making mini patties on a sandwich press. Did they stick a bit? Maybe. Were they still delicious? Absolutely.)

How to Store (if there’s anything left)

Pop leftover patties in an airtight box in the fridge — will keep for 2-3 days, though, honestly, in my house, these never last more than a day. I think they almost taste better the next day. Reheat gently, or just eat cold, if that’s your thing. I’ve heard some folks freeze them, but I never get that far.

What to Serve With (Or, How I Escape Dishes)

My go-to is a pile of oven fries (sometimes I open a bag of frozen wedges — sue me). Or a really crisp, coleslaw if you want something fresh. My daughter likes hers with nothing but potato chips and a mountain of ketchup. For more inspiration, I sometimes peek at Serious Eats’ burger roundups when the sides rut gets real. Oh, and a big chilled drink doesn’t hurt, especially if you’re eating outside.

Pro Tips I Learned the Hard Way

• I once tried to flip these too soon, and half the cheese welded itself to the pan. Just be patient — trust me on this.
• Don’t overload with cheese to impress; I did, and it just oozed out and made a mess (although scooping up the crispy bits is its own reward).
• If someone asks you to make these with veggie mince — you’ll want more seasoning and maybe a spoonful of mayo in the mix, just for moisture. Flavor can be tricky otherwise.
• Forget to toast the buns? Improvise — I’ll sometimes just microwave them wrapped in a damp paper towel for 20 seconds. Not perfect, but it works.

If you’ve got time and patience, check out Joshua Weissman’s burger wisdom for a deep dive — far fussier, but some clever tricks in there.

Some Actual FAQs People (and my Dad) Have Asked

• Can I make these ahead of time? Totally — form ‘em and leave covered in the fridge for a few hours; just let them lose their fridge chill before cooking, or the middles take ages.
• How spicy is it? Not at all, unless you want it to be. Just add your own hot sauce if that’s your jam.
• What’s the difference from smash burgers? Well, mainly the gooey cheese all the way through and the ranch, plus a load more bacon than my wallet likes. They’re thicker, too. Less diner-y, more “I can barely hold this thing.”
• Do I have to use ranch? Honestly, it’s the “crack” part. Otherwise, they’re just kinda regular bacon cheeseburgers. But you do you — garlic and onion powder can sub in a pinch. I even tried Italian dressing mix once (wouldn’t bother again).
• Any way to keep the cheese inside? It’s gonna leak a bit, part of the charm! But if you press the edges of the patties together well, it helps. Or just accept cheesy, crispy edges as a bonus.
• Can I bake them? I mean, yeah, but you won’t get crispy bits. They come out a bit more like meatloaf rounds. Good for bulk cooking, maybe?

By the way, the leftover bits make a great breakfast sandwich, too, especially when you’re running out the door and need something more exciting than jam on toast. Not exactly health food, but we all have our vices.

Go on, give these a try — let me know what chaos and joy they bring to your table. And if you ever find a way to make the bacon last till the end of prep, teach me your ways!